some days

some days it comes out and hits me - he's not here. my best friend- the one i wanted to share my life with is not here. and it takes my breath away
yesterday was one of those days
and then last night c came over. and it hit me again. he is here. c. is here. and with that i can exhale again

random thoughts

• There was an article today in one of the papers around here that spoke of how many complaints the MBTA receives about their service(MBTA=public transit). The number one complaint supposedly is about their employees and how rude they are at times. I have to say as a faithful MBTA rider as I have no other means of getting to work (parking=$300 a month at my work) I have to say that would not be my number one complaint. Instead I would complain about the fact it takes me on most days around 4 hours round trip to get to my job that is only 8 miles away from my house because of late busses or breakdowns or in typical fashion this week's excuse of having a driver just walk off the bus at a stop and refuse to drive anymore leaving us stranded on the bus at an entrance ramp to the highway. C. asked me if I have ever written a formal complaint and I said to him why bother- it's not going to change anything and that is so sadly true.

• Today I went to order a new pair of glasses as I can barely see out of my current ones. I ask you this question- why doesn't health insurance cover the cost and leave me with a copay. It's not like I am choosing to wear a piece of metal on my face for the sheer joy they bring me. I can't see my hand in front of my face without them on- isn't that a medical condition that needs fixing??? Instead I shelled out my $500 and will have my wonderful new glasses here just in time to drive to NH for my father's birthday next weekend- good thing too because even driving the few miles to the busstop is questionable some days never mind getting on a highway.

• I am a bigger tomboy than I think I have admitted to here and can't help but wish that A-Rod (A-Fraud) screws up royally some point over the weekend while the yankees are in town playing the sox. He's a cheater and a liar- and honestly I can't find one nice looking thing about him except the fact that at least he is in a yankees uniform instead of a red sox one.

• Working in a cancer institute makes me very afraid to go to the doctor. I have been having some serious weird pain the past few days and know I should probably go to the doctor but am too afraid to make an appointment and am hoping it will just go away. in the world that i work in everyone does this. everyone is so afraid by everything that we see that no one ever goes to the dr. it's probably not the wisest thing and i probably should be going to the dr but i know it's not my appendix and other than that hopefully it will just diminish.

• me, r. and baby b. are going to a hot dog derby this weekend. i wonder what kind of interest a 5 week old is going to have in hot dogs. for that matter i wonder what his mom and auntie really are thinking as well