c has been feeling pretty sick lately. not sick like a flu but sick as in a number of things that scare the both of us. blurred vision, forgetting things, tired all the time. things that aren't like him. he is headed to the dr to be checked out

at the same time he said to me- don't worry - if it is something bad you are still young enough to start over. and then the truth came out....

i don't want to start over-- never again

i know i can't say never but i can't even picture having to start over- not again

i know that people that don't understand this world think that it would be easy enough to just try again- but we know. we know the days and nights of unbelievable heartache. i know my strength and limitations - that i just don't have it in me to do again

he of course realized as soon as he said i what he said--and the poor man's face turned green as anything. he apologized profusely.

but still it doesn't change the fact that i don't think i could handle going through anything like that again- at least not anytime soon

vacation is good--- i am realizing exactly how much exhaustion i have built up in a year and a half with no time off . glad i took 2 weeks as i am still pretty worn out.

there will be some more posts coming in the next few days. i have big plans. first though a trip to the beach :)