So one may wonder what has happened in the 2 plus years since I have been here.... a lot... and then nothing. I was incredibly happy with V. He is a terrific man and a wonderful friend. However, we did not get married as planned this past October. He left over the summer. We are still the best of friends and will be forever. Sometimes things just happen and life changes.. and life has changed for the both of us.

So now I'm back to just being me- not an us. I am out dating again which is interesting and scary and exciting and nerve wraking-  everything wrapped into one. I hear the clock ticking as I just turned 35 and wonder if everything I ever wanted will still end up happening or will never end up happening.

I was trying to find a picture today- and went back and read what I had written to myself more than 3 years ago and the same things hold true- though they have been questioned over the past 6 months. I do love- I do have the capacity to love- I have amazing friends and a job that every day I am tempted to leave but still stay at. I don't know what's next and I still miss John every single day. It's almost 9 years ago that he was diagnosed and life forever changed. Yet every single day I still miss him and wish he was right here beside me. But I also know it's 9 years of living every day with someone looking out for me and hoping that in the end everything will turn out just as it should.