no longer last year

i have been thinking about this a lot lately. in a few days i will no longer be able to say that john died last year. now it will be a few years ago, or two years, or 22 months. anything but last year. it's so hard to think of that. two new years without him. i have been trying to think lately about what can be instead of what could have been. it seems to be getting easier but at the same time some days are so hard. today i looked at a guy on the bus and he had john's lips- nothing else-- just his lips and it made me so sad because i bet i am the only person on this earth that can look at some complete stranger and miss john so much. but at least i don't burst into tears anymore when it happens. i guess that's progress...