i miss him
(which him?)

2 more weeks
(or an eternity?)

i want to feel his arms around me
(sometimes if i think hard enough i can feel them)

6 months of being together almost
(or 32 months apart)

i can picture a life with him
(i would never be who i am without him)

i love him
(i love him)

Well the last of the weddings (i hope!) is this weekend. I cannot wait to just have a weekend at home. Haven't been home for a weekend since early August and it's starting to really wear on me. On top of having to deal with weddings every single weekend.

I've gotten pretty good at letting the words wash over me and not feel anything about them. Whether that's good or bad who knows-- but it is a great survival tactic.

I think of all of them I was most affected by Katie and Matt's. They were my roomates right after John died and we lived together for 2 years. They still live only a street away and I talk to them every day. I think finally seeing them married meant the end of something. Closure in another form. Also their favors were replaced by a donation to the walk and there was a beautiful plaque up explaining that. It was just a very special wedding to me.

Then there has been Cheryl and Tony's, Laura and James's, Jess and Matt's, Sadaf and Eddie's and this weekend Cindy and Steve's. I think this weekends will be the most elaborate. A theater on Broadway. I am excited for some time in New York but even more so I am excited for next weekend when I can just hang around home, spend time with some friends, maybe even cook and do some crafts.

how busy is too busy

I, by nature, am a very busy person. Between working long hours, dance classes, excursions with friends, social obligations- I tend to not have much time in my life for me. A year ago I finally got tired of always running. I made a deal with myself to take at least one day a weekend just for me. If not both. Which was really working for me until I met C. I then realized what it must have been like to date me in hte past. C. works a regular full time job, 2 regular art time jobs, 2 more not so regular part time jobs and has his dughter. The man is always going, going, going.

About 2 weeks ago I finally lost it on him. I was tired of just being squeezed into his schedule and since then he is definitely taking notice of how little time he has for him or for us. Which is a good thing- acting on it will be twice as good.

but now we come upone the next 4 weeks. Because of his schedule I cannot see him during the week. So that only leaves weekends. I saw him yesterday. Next weekend I have a wedding in NH. The following weekend I have a wedding in Manhattan. The weekend after that he will be at a conference in NC. So in 4 weeks I will see him again. It's like having a long distance relationship without the distance. But he continues to be worth it- just need to be reminded every once in awhile of that fact. Especially when his schedule makes me want to scream- as does mine sometimes.