a weighty topic

Another year....another diet.... back to weight watchers I go.

It feels like there hasn't been a single day of my life that I haven't struggled with my weight. When I was younger-overweight. When I was a teenager - eating disorder central. As an adult- back to overweight-- actually in technical terms- obese.

When I hear that word it makes me want to throw up.

Obese- sounds like a pig. And sometimes I do feel like I qualify as that. The thing is no one can ever guess how much I weigh. They know I am overweight but not to the extreme that I am. Let's just say at this point I could lose around 100 pounds and be in the normal range for my height and age. Strange that years ago I was about 60 pounds underweight.

Now I have come to realize that I need to lose this weight- not 100 pounds--- more like 70 (oh yeah cause that sounds any better?!!) Why do I need to lose this weight? Not because I want to be a twig. Not because I want to attract a man (have one who likes me just the way I am- thank goodness) But because I want to live.

I think I hid in food from the moment John died. Not unhealthy food and not necessarily too much of it- just the wrong food. But now I want to come out of hiding. I want to be able to have a life, have children one day, be healthy enough to run with them or even just run around now with some friends. I need to do this. I need to stick with it. So far so good- 3 pounds gone- now only 67 more to go ( now that sounds better than 70!)