Sunday, January 28, 2007

"you have used John's death to advance your career"


One of my coworkers said this to me and also said this to my boss this week. Needless to say I am none too happy at my job right now. But I guess it did give me food for thought

Have I done this somehow? I do work at the cancer center where he was treated, where they gave me time every day to be with him, where my boss turned into one of John's admirers and friends. I do make a ton more money now than I did when he died because my boss keeps promoting me. The doctors all know where I have come from and I believe respect me a little more than they do my colleague. Is that because I have had the opportunity to get to know them on a more personal level- when they helped advise me in John's treatment. My colleagues do know that every year we try to raise a substantial amount of money to go towards this place that he admired so much. My work and my personal life have become entwined but more out of necessity than out of wanting it to.

When this colleague said this to me I was dumbfounded. How could anyone's death bring any good into their life. I was so hurt since it came from someone who started in the office a little more than a year ago. She was not there when everything transpired. Yes I do know that my boss respects me every day for walking through the doors of the place that held so much of my life in their hands at one point. Yes I do know that some of my coworkers continually acknowledge how hard some days can be for me to be at work. But have I used that to my advantage in my career??? I don't really know. Has definitely given me something to think about


Pentha said...

Wow. Just when I think I've heard it all. This has to top all the bizarre comments I've ever heard. And like everyone else, I've heard a lot.

I don't know you professionally of course, but her words really sound like ignorance and jealousy.

We may use our spouse's death to avoid telephone fundraisers and social gatherings. We may use our spouse's death to get a break on professional services and overdue bills. We may even use our spouse's death as a cover when we blow our stack and finally spew venom at people who've long had it coming.

But using our spouse's death to advance a career? Uhhhh... I don't THINK so! I have no doubt that you received your promotions because your supervisors have thought you could do the work required. It would not serve THEIR careers to make bad business decisions based on compassion or personal attachments.

Think about it if you want to, but don't stress about it.

Edeline said...

Thanks for writing this.