So this week-- in the midst of a lot of soul searching and figuring things out (which by the way J just called and I didn't have the impulse to throw up so must be making some progress)- I was talking with a very good friend.
She said to me that I always bend to fit the guy- what he wants and if I don't match his criteria then I think I don't have a shot. So then she asked me what kind of guy do I want- what would be my criteria... and the only answer that I could give her was that I want John.
And that is the honest truth.
And that is the heartbreaking impossibility.
So now I am trying to figure out what about him I would want in another person. There were so many qualities about him that I loved.
All that it boils down to is that I still miss my best friend-- and I am still looking for that in another.... one day I hope to find it.