so C. and I are coming up to the end of our month without seeing each other. And part of me couldn't be happier- and then part of me is really struggling.
as i have said before C. has a very busy schedule. To the point where I am lucky if he has 3 hours for me over the course of a weekend. I have had issues with this right from the start but when I am with him I am so happy that I almost forget about it. But I did tell him that after life had calmed down that I needed to spend a lot more time with him. At least a full day a weekend. He totally agreed and promised that he would definitely free time up.
Fast forward to today- he just got back from NC last night and I said something about seeing him this weekend- and he then said - yeah- he would see me sunday for a short time. I didn't really say anything back- but am definitely fliiping out on the inside.
When is it time to realize he just doesn't have the time that I feel not only that I need but that I mostly deserve. How can I explain to him that it is so hard on me when all of my friends spend their weekends and lives with their so's and I have spent 2 and a half years trying to not let that bother me- but now that I am with him it only bothers me more. How do I shake the feeling that a part of me feels like a prostitute but without the money and sometimes without the activity- but that such a limited time with him doesn't make me feel like this relationship is ever going to go to the places that we both want it to go- or at least that we both have said we want it to go.
I know he works so hard at trying to find time for me- but at the same time it's not enough. How do I keep my heart from breaking when I know that I love him and have fallen in love with him but that I either need to end it or convince myself that it's enough. I know he is enough- just need more time in the day.
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2 comments:
Kyle,
I know this is not what you want to hear, but I think you deserve better. He's been away for a month, and now he's back, and can only see you for a short time on Sunday? He should be at your doorstep right now!
I realize he's busy, but we're all busy. We make time for things we care about. If he cares enough, he will make the time.
Sorry.
Hugs,
b
Thanks B. I think you are right. Trying to hold out for the weekend so that we can talk about it in person but knowing that I am never going to be the number one priority in his life or even number 2 or 3 is really starting to bother me a great deal. Just wish it were different....
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