3 years

3 long years.

and yet all i can see is what is ahead of me

yes I miss him- more so now than in those first few months- because back then I missed him as a being. his physical person. now i miss him not in the physical but more in the whole person he was. who he was. who i was with him. those things that not just a physical presence can give comfort to.

at the same time i see clearly who i am right now- who i want to be in the future. and although that doesn't physically include him- it will always include him

3 years- more than 1000 days. but once again it comes down to will 3 years and one day feel any different than today.

every day i miss him- not every day is quite as painful as today- but it is stil there- lying beneath the surface.

today i choose to let it come out a little bit- embrace the pain just a little- and then i choose to live with it. living is the only way to make any bit of sense of it- to just live- to just keep breathing-- to just be.

so 3 years has brought me to here- to this place that is not quite peaceful all the time but still has its moments of peace.

for that i am thankful

for him i am thankful