The other night I was at dinner with a friend who is going through a very rough time with her boyfriend. In speaking with her the topic came up of defining moments. Her boyfriend wants to define her life by one moment that happened in her life which means nothing to her. Anyone who knows her knows that her life is defined by the moment her mother was run over almost 3 years ago.
But through that conversation I got to thinking, would the sae be said about me. Would I define my life by the moment I lost John?
In some ways I think I should be able to. If anything would be a defining moment in one's life wouldn't it be that? Isn't that the most dramatic point in which one can look back at life. The moment when you lost love forever?
Maybe there was a point where I defined my life by that moment. Maybe there sometimes still is. But I look at life now and realize there are so many moments that have defined me. That have made my life exactly what it is right now- that define my decisions and my ambitions.
The moment that I met my grandmother right after my baby cousin had died. I was in second grade and had never met her yet knew I was loved by her right away. The moment that my brother left for college knowing he would never choose to come home again and that our family would be forever changed- not for the better. The moment I chose to leave home in high school knowing that I was on my own- yet not afraid of anything because I was escaping my fear. The moment I opened the package in the mail that day finally knowing that she knew all along. The moment the call came telling me that my father was so sick knowing that there was very little time to forgive. The moment he asked me to marry him. The moment he was gone.
But there have been moments since, moments that even if not life defining- life changing. Like the moment I took my ring off knowing that meant to the outside world that my heart didn't belong to anyone. The moment I woke up and my first thought was not of him but of my life without him. The moment I met C. The moment I knew my heart - or at least a piece of it belongs to someone else.
moments. all of them. some painful, some joyous. some bring definition others confusion. all i wish for is to not be deifined and not let my life be defined by any one of them.
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