I will leave these ghosts of you
I will climb onto that train, find a seat that's got no view
And I will take what I need with me, I will not take what I don't
And I will say that I'll be back here but I'll know that I won't
And I will live with empty pockets, I will live with empty sleeves
And I will know that there is nothing in this world I cannot leave
And I will tell my friends I love them,
I will just hope that they know
That I need nobody beside me on this open road"
Kris Delmhorst, "Open Road"
I love this song. I love the message. If you have nerver heard it please research Kris Delmhorst. She is an amazing singer that is so soulful and all of her lyrics are amazing. Just in those first 2 lines it says everything I would love to do.
At this point I am not going anywhere. I have spoken at great length with C about this. Also had a lengthy conversation with my boss. What it boils down to is that I love C. I want to see where this is going. I want to be able to be with him. If I leave this "sweet New England" that will never happen, because just as the song says I know I wouldn't come back.
I also have figured out that the only real reason that I want to leave my job is because of one person. I have battled before and I can do it again. If I leave now it is only giving into her and her stupidity.
So instead I am choosing to stay put, right here in crappy Boston. Am I settling? Possibly. But I am settling for the person and the things that are making me happiest in this moment. I am also still embracing the open road that lies ahead of me. I am embracing the possibilities that lie ahead of me and maybe just maybe i will also leave the ghosts that are haunting me behind.
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