Sunday I was not able to see John so instead I spent it with a couple of friends of his trying to figure out how to get him out of the house and into a place that would accomodate him.
Monday- the 8th. We had appointments at the Farber. They were going to try a last ditch chemo. Or at least that's what I later came to find out. Originally they told us that it was something that they were going to try- just throw everything they had into it. It was a lethal mix of drugs. So highly toxic that it scared the both of us but John insisted on trying. He wasn't ready to give up.
Because they needed to monitor his fluid input and output they decided to admit him to the brigham. It took a few hours to get him admitted and settled in. But once he was in his room he became the John that I had been missing the past few weeks. He was flirtacious and funny, smiling and happy but in his eyes i could see he was scared.
I left late that night- around midnight. As had gotten to become habitual I called the cabbie that always drove me home and left him. There was no reason for me to stay and I would be back in the morning before work. Almost as soon as I got home I had 2 texts from him begging me to come back and spend the night there. I said no- I would see him again in 5 short hours and to just get some sleep and that I loved him.
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