grey's

Tonight while watching Grey's Anatomy I found myself sobbing. Not just a few tears but outright sobbing.

that brush. those lines. just knowing that they are in the same place as us. it really hit me hard.

since john died there have been so many moments where i have felt that i feel him. not so hard to believe in the beginning where all you want to do is feel them. but as time wore on those moments disappeared.

lately though they have been back. just the other day i was walking into work and got into the elevator and i swear i could feel him. of course he had been there with me numerous times but it was like he was there and for that moment everything felt undisturbed. everything was upright and correct i nthe world. for just that one second. and then he was gone. and i was shaken to my very core.

maybe it is like the show said. for one moment that was us. that is all we have now. those moments. and as much as i wouldn't trade my current happiness for anything i still live for those moments where everything feels almost perfect again