March 13, 2004

Early in the morning on the 13th I woke up and went to the living room. No phone calls.

Took a shower and was out the door with Dana fairly quickly. We went back to the Brigham and there were no changes overnight. Mike was still there- he couldn't leave him. Kathy was sleeping and pat and Donna were in the family room. I went in and out of the room all morning- there was only so much I coud take and it was just not easy at all with Kathy.

Around noon I spoke to Pat and he said he was headed out of there. He thought that maybe if John knew it was ok with us to go that he might let go. So we said we would stay in touch all day but that we would leave the Brigham. Kathy refused to go anywhere and Mike said he would stay with her but everyone else left.

I went with Dana to her house and made a few phone calls. We picked up her car and went to Target to get a few things. I had stopped doing laundry pretty much and was running out of clothes and had no food in the house o we knew we had to pick up those few things. We also picked up a stupid dvd just to pass some time. We picked up a pizza and headed to my place.

I called Pat a few times to see if he had heard anything but nothing had changed. John was holding on for whatever reason. As the day stretched into the night all I could think was that he had to die today- the next day was my mother's birthday and I just didn't wnat that to happen on so many levels.

At about 10:30 I started to pleade out loud to just let go. That I would be fine- that his family would be fine-- but that he needed to do what was best for him. At about 11:15 I said to Dana that I would be ok if she wanted to go home. That I needed to learn how to go through my life on my own. At 11:25 as she was packing up her stuff the phone finally rang.

He had died at 11:20. 11:20 which had such meaning to us as 11/20 was to be our wedding date.