"you let him go when he died-- what's left to let go of??" this statement was said to me at work today- in the middle of a meltdown no less. but it got me to thinking- what really is there left to let go of that has me so scared to lose.
not him- not his eyes- his smile- his weird facial gestures. not his muscular legs- the goatee that we both loved. not his lips- or his nose. those have been gone for a long time. he has been gone for a long time. then what is it?
not our future together--- the beautiful wedding we were to have-- the children we looked forward to- the house we had just started hunting for. those dreams were never to happen....i had to let go of them the moment he died
not the memory of our first meeting, our first date, our fist kiss, our first...., his proposal.... sometimes i try so hard to let those memories go but they will always remain with me
his sickness, the hospital, the treatments, the prognosis, his last week alive... these will always haunt me- the nightmare that will never leave my life
maybe i shouldn't be scared at all of losing him- even if i try i will never let him go.
2 comments:
I am speechless at the unbelievable (&#*&^^#@ nature of that comment. Wow.
What is there to let go of? How about this? Your heart was joined to his; your soul, to his. When you buried him, you buried part of your heart and your soul ... THAT is what you need to let go of, the part of you that he took with him.
You were right when you said that he will always be with you and a part of you. The hard part is finding out who you are now, now that part of you is gone forever.
-- Pentha, wishing you a measure of peace today -- and willing to send a widow posse after the dadburned lunatic who said that to you
thanks pentha--- always good to know someone's got your back! :)
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