there's a saying - you're only a fair weather friend. i have seen this plenty in my life- especially when john was sick and after he died. other people couldn't handle it.
but that's not really what i want to talk about. there are a bunch of people who i greatly treasure in my life who are a different type of fair weather friend. a fair relationship friend. maybe it's because i am not in a relationship- but i don't think it's really that. i am very tired of being someone's friend until the weekends or until their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend has time for them. then it's like i never existed. no phone calls, no conversations, no anything.
i get wanting to spend time with your significant other.i really do. but even when i am in a relationship it doesn't mean that my friends don't have a place in my life. just wondering what the point is anyway.
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Kyle,
I've been browsing through your blog today. It's good writing that tears at my heart, because so much of what you write is so familiar.
In several places, you said that you're not really a widow because you weren't legally married. You lost the man you intended to spend the rest of your life with, the one you dreamed of raising a family with. In my book, that sounds like being a widow.
It sounds as though you (or maybe those around you?) are devaluing your loss because you were "only" engaged. I actually think that that loss may be harder, because you were full of dreams and ideas and ideals. At least we who were married had a chance -- all too brief, but a chance nonetheless -- to live out some of those dreams, explore some of those ideas, and even have some of those ideals shattered.
I wish I had wisdom for you. I guess the one thing I would say to offer you hope is in response to your comment that you're scared to be alone at age 30. I didn't meet my Nicholas until I was 30. Never give up hope, dear; never give up hope.
-- Pentha from the YWBB, wishing you a measure of peace today
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