happy or not

there is so much going through my head the past few days- i just want to try to get it out so that i can move forward.

i want to be happy- yet i am not. I am not sad- not miserable- not depressed- not anything really- just unhappy. i know that only i can change that and i feel like i keep working on that but i always just feel unhappy. so what do i do to make it so that i am not? do i change jobs? move? come to the conclusion that i will never be happy without him in my life? settle for the guy i am seeing and convince myself he could make me happy even though i know he doesn't? do i keep staying friends with the people i have in my life even though a lot of them only make me feel worse about myself or i don't trust in their friendship?

it's hard to not be happy in life when at one point in time you couldn't imagine being anything but happy in it- it's like a huge letdown not only in yourself but in life. i wish there was just some magic button to flip and everything would go back to normal or at least to a resemblance of that- where i could just be happy again. maybe i'll figure it out soon--- i really hope so-- it would be nice and i would be so grateful.