a lot can happen in one night....

so a few months ago a friend of mine mentioned that she had been going to these singles danced referred to as large people's singles dances. now i do consider myself large as i am large by "norms" of society

r. and i decided to give it a go this week. it was supposed to be a large crowd due to the holiday weekend. there were activities all three days.... sounded like it could be fun. so all week it was like this weird buildup-- what will we wear... will we fit in... will it be fun...

we got to the hotel ballroom and were kinda disapointed- the music was not so great there weren't a lot of people... we decided to stick it out awhile and see what happened. good thing we did- we both ended up having an awesome time. we danced with no inhibitions--- no one was looking at the fat girl on the floor- we were small by comparison- but it didn't matter- we were just comfortable. then we met a few guys.

i met c. no matter where this goes- i will forever be grateful to him for this night. we talked for hours upon hours. i shared stuff with him that i am usually so closed off about. he is an incredibly caring man. someone i would not normally have jumped at but am so glad i have had the opportunity of meeting. he understood about john to the point that he held me as i cried a little later in the night and gave me the words that i have been looking for. he touched my heart and he said, "john will always be in your heart- he will always be here. anyone who does not accept that and does not understand that will never understand you. he will always be your first love-just make sure you make room in there for the person he sends you next." he actually gets it. i still am very cautious- there are a lot of differences between us. at the same time- i want to see if the future holds anything for us. we both kind of think it could - still have a lot of talking and getting to know each other to do-but he makes me smile, and he makes me laugh-- he can't be all bad at all. for the first time in a really long time i am going to sleep happy. tomorrow is the start of a new day- and you never know what it could hold.