the person i miss most

i was on the phone with katie b. today and she could tell i was upset. after she asked who i was upset with i said to her no one she knew..... and that is true. because the truth is i am upset with myself- the real me- the me that i was. but no one in my life now knows that person. they only know this person. this me that cries at the drop of a hat- is never truly happy- always feels empty. i miss the old me and am so upset that i can't still be that person. the one that could laugh about anything and make light of any situation. the person that john fell in love with. carefree no- but happy yes. how do i get that person back? how do i not be upset that i am so changed in my life that even when other people perceive me to be happy i am still never truly happy. i miss me.